I posted this on a Facebook group called introvert zone. The only response I got was from one of my relatives. So I'll try it here. If anyone is reading this blog surely some of you must be introverts. Responses please.
Introverts as self- motivated.
I see lots of
comments on this site about the need for introverts to spend time alone and how
draining it is to be with other people. But what about the other major introvert
characteristic – self-motivation? Has anyone found themselves in trouble
because of that?
When I look back I
seem to have had a pattern of falling foul of authority structures- School,
line managers, even spiritual teachers. I’ve never been a rebel, never one of
those who just have to buck authority for the sake of it. As an INFJ I actually
like to please others and am deeply hurt by hostility and criticism.
But I do find that
when I am in a situation where obedience and loyalty are the chief demands-
even though usually unstated – I seem inexplicably to fall foul of the system.
Line managers take against me, I become an object of suspicion and distrust
which quickly turn to scapegoating and victimization. After reading about the
introvert personality I have concluded these things happened to me because, as
an introvert, I always do things for my own reasons, never solely because I’ve
been told to. To me, rules are useful and informative guidelines, to be thought
about carefully, then applied where appropriate, not things to be followed
without deviation in any circumstance.
If someone instructs me to do a task, at work, then I will bust a gut to
do it well and fulfill all requirements, but somehow I think too much while I’m doing that. All my motivation comes so
much from within, that even when I am working to a high standard – in fact-
often often exceeding what was required- people (extraverts) seem to feel I am
not doing what they asked. They can’t put their finger on it, but they just
don’t get where I’m coming from and feel they can’t completely trust me - I have actually had that said to me more than once. As I place a huge importance on integrity and
trustworthiness - this is especially hurtful.
In a totalitarian
system like the boarding school I attended for 7 years, I would decide for
myself what I wanted to do, rather than just obey. I was gifted and intelligent
so studying and music practice were my main occupations, so I was hardly being
a ‘bad’ girl. But because I had decided my own goals I wouldn’t allow any silly
nonsense with pointless rules and demands to get in my way. So I am probably the only kid in history to
get punished in a school for studying too much!!!
I’ve noticed I often
seem to earn a reputation for arrogance – I suspect this is a very common label
for introverts. Our need to be alone can make us seem aloof, and I admit I can
often feel contempt for the sheer silliness and superficiality of extraverts’
mindset. I know my attitude to rules
often strikes people as arrogant.
Paradoxically- the harder I try to ‘obey’ and fit in with ‘normal’
expectations, the more likely I am to stick out as non-compliant. Sullenness
and sulkiness in teenagers is usually read as rebelliousness by teachers. But I still fail utterly to understand how a
studious and quiet student can end up being expelled for being this terrible
rebel, and ringleader, which is what happened to me.
I have a huge problem
with job interviews, even just the job-applications, because I say thoughtful (i.e
weird and unexpected) things. I shoot myself in the foot by thinking out loud
about some question they’ve asked me.
The books I’ve read
say the INFJ personality is motivated by an overriding desire to be of service
to others. This is so true of me. Many
times I’ve found myself in a situation where I am doing my utmost to help and
support others, often sacrificing my real desires, and have found this totally
misconstrued by people, especially those who are very power-oriented, (who can only understand other people as power motivated too.) I think I
often come across as very strong because my thoughtfulness and ability to read
complex situations (very INFJ) mean I can speak with clarity and weight. I have
even- extraordinary thought!!! – been labelled as a power-crazy bitch in one
situation. Can you imagine anything further from the nature of an INFJ? Why
would I waste my time seeking power over others?
Now I live with my
elderly mother as her carer – which means I can be of service without it being
misunderstood. When I tell people I am doing it as much for myself as my mother
they are just pleased, instead of suspicious. I can spend lots of time alone in
my part of the house, quietly thinking and writing and being creative, without
the financial pressure to go out and earn money which would distract me from my
goals. And my social needs are fulfilled by taking part in activities with
others that interest me, or by meeting friends on a one-to-one. INTROVERT
HEAVEN!!!
