Wednesday 18 December 2013

I noticed a competition for a religious poem when I was helping my mother go to her church.  the prize was £250 for your church, though they didn't actually specify it should be a christian poem.  I sat there thinking 'I don't have anything to say about Christianity- well, only this .... ' and that is how this poem grew.  

Only this

Only this,
That He showed the divine within us all.
Being born in a body,
To make choices only a body could make,
Stripped of everything except humanity itself.
Feeling it all – grief, anger, fear, shame.
Even in the midst of ugliness and horror,
The divine is present.
It is the god who suffers,
Who enters life and stays,
Who is in every moment,
Who breathes life, simple life,
Here, now, present,
Even in the worst moments.
Not an outside hand
But within – your deepest wisdom
That He embodied.
Don’t rush too soon to proclaim “Halleluiah, he is risen!”
The gift at the end of suffering
Stay: seek the quiet voice,
The invisible thread of connection,
The divine within and without,
Present in us all
If it would
Only awaken.
©Catherine Blackfeather


Monday 19 August 2013

All Those


All those who bound heavy stones on the brow of this child
Who turned the welcoming meadow
Into flaying blades
That strip and gash the flesh
Of all who stray from the narrow path.

All those who laced the corset tight
About and about this unformed child-body
Stopping breath in rib and belly and liver
Shaming the magical child into hide-bound mediocrity
In a cage of rules and don’ts 

All those who are disturbed, offended
By a spirit burning bright
Lest it ignite hidden lights
In their nearby breast
And unbidden tears well up in dust-bound hearts

I name you
I name you
For what you are

You do not need my curse
I merely shuck off yours
Leaving it, a discarded cloak
Ripped to shreds and worn bare.
I grow out from it.
My new skin is bright, uncut.
Immortal, I re-inhabit Eden.



Monday 5 August 2013

I'm waiting the proof copies of The Crossing Place and Other Stories. I found it best to get the CreateSpace paper copy ready to go before trying to put it on Kindle, that way both versions would be ready at roughly the same time.  Postage for CreateSpace is slow as it's coming from the US. I gave Crossing Place to a friend to read and she said she was scared to be alone in the house at night after finishing it - I didn't think it was scary.  It is a ghost story but is not intended to be scary- it's about a good ghost.  but at least it got to her. 

In the meantime I have been writing a kids' book- the Leprechaun's Tale.  My test audiences have told me it's the best I've done yet, so that's encouraging.  I'd hope I would be improving with practice.  

Another book is all ready in the pipeline.  Boy16 about a teenager growing up gay in a Welsh village.  All I have to do is get the text into format for Kindle and CreateSpace and the cover finished by my friend in Seattle.  

I've no idea how to market any of this.  Writing in lots of different genres creates a problem for me as I have to explore the market for each type of writing. Being a typical introverted writer-type I don't enjoy all that. But I just write what moves me, I don't want to limit myself to just one genre if I get and idea for something different. 

Tuesday 30 July 2013

I do have one new poem.  I've committed the ultimate folly of falling in love with a straight woman- hence the title 'Crazy Love' . Somehow I've managed to avoid that one so far- I've seen many a good Lesbian to go down to this particular one, so I guess the chances of it happening are pretty high. haha

Crazy Love

When I see you
Something in me
Feels whole.
Something strangled
Breathes.
Crazy love
Feels right.

No howl at the moon and 
Wild dance of joy,
Shouting the rooftops
A paean of love.
Only a quiet unfurling 
Of this wilted leaf,
A sun-filled green sap 
Occupying my every pore
In your presence.
Crazy love
Feels right.

That you exist
That you are possible
Makes my world whole.
And I breathe
And have courage.
Crazy love
Feels right.
It's been so long since I've blogged. I've been busy getting my book Mitchie up on Kindle and promoting it, plus getting another one ready.  The next book will be called the Crossing Place and Other Stories.  It was originally just called the Crossing Place but when I got the proof copy of the paper version it was just like a little thin pamphlet and I thought it wasn't enough.  So I have added two other stories.  That has all taken a long time, and I have only just now got the revised cover for it from the lovely friend who does them for me.  
Here is the product blurb for that:

Product info for The Crossing place and other stories

Three stories from the rich imagination of Catherine Blackfeather.
In ‘The Crossing Place’ a group of people find themselves stranded in a strange hotel.  Each one of them must face their own truth and make a life-changing decision.
‘Sleeping Beauty and the Gnome’ gives an original twist to an old fairy-tale.
‘Ketme’ tells the story of one woman’s journey through war and brutality to find love, simplicity and peace.
Each story is a fantasy, told with humour, realism and compassion.  

It won't be long now- I'll get it up soon. I am currently enjoying a free period away from caring responsibilities, and am using the time to work on this, in between dancing.  So watch this space!!  


Sunday 16 June 2013

Check out this video from Second Life- I took part in this project last year as a reader, and hope to create a piece of dance for it this year
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTsNZU55Ypc&feature=youtu.be

Saturday 15 June 2013

I posted this on a Facebook group called introvert zone. The only response I got was from one of my relatives. So I'll try it here.  If anyone is reading this blog surely some of you must be introverts. Responses please.

Introverts as self- motivated.

I see lots of comments on this site about the need for introverts to spend time alone and how draining it is to be with other people. But what about the other major introvert characteristic – self-motivation? Has anyone found themselves in trouble because of that?
When I look back I seem to have had a pattern of falling foul of authority structures- School, line managers, even spiritual teachers. I’ve never been a rebel, never one of those who just have to buck authority for the sake of it. As an INFJ I actually like to please others and am deeply hurt by hostility and criticism.
But I do find that when I am in a situation where obedience and loyalty are the chief demands- even though usually unstated – I seem inexplicably to fall foul of the system. Line managers take against me, I become an object of suspicion and distrust which quickly turn to scapegoating and victimization. After reading about the introvert personality I have concluded these things happened to me because, as an introvert, I always do things for my own reasons, never solely because I’ve been told to. To me, rules are useful and informative guidelines, to be thought about carefully, then applied where appropriate, not things to be followed without deviation in any circumstance.  If someone instructs me to do a task, at work, then I will bust a gut to do it well and fulfill all requirements, but somehow I think too much while I’m doing that. All my motivation comes so much from within, that even when I am working to a high standard – in fact- often often exceeding what was required- people (extraverts) seem to feel I am not doing what they asked. They can’t put their finger on it, but they just don’t get where I’m coming from and feel they can’t completely trust me - I have actually had that said to me more than once.  As I place a huge importance on integrity and trustworthiness - this is especially hurtful.
In a totalitarian system like the boarding school I attended for 7 years, I would decide for myself what I wanted to do, rather than just obey. I was gifted and intelligent so studying and music practice were my main occupations, so I was hardly being a ‘bad’ girl. But because I had decided my own goals I wouldn’t allow any silly nonsense with pointless rules and demands to get in my way.  So I am probably the only kid in history to get punished in a school for studying too much!!!
I’ve noticed I often seem to earn a reputation for arrogance – I suspect this is a very common label for introverts. Our need to be alone can make us seem aloof, and I admit I can often feel contempt for the sheer silliness and superficiality of extraverts’ mindset.  I know my attitude to rules often strikes people as arrogant.  Paradoxically- the harder I try to ‘obey’ and fit in with ‘normal’ expectations, the more likely I am to stick out as non-compliant. Sullenness and sulkiness in teenagers is usually read as rebelliousness by teachers.  But I still fail utterly to understand how a studious and quiet student can end up being expelled for being this terrible rebel, and ringleader, which is what happened to me.
I have a huge problem with job interviews, even just the job-applications, because I say thoughtful (i.e weird and unexpected) things. I shoot myself in the foot by thinking out loud about some question they’ve asked me.
The books I’ve read say the INFJ personality is motivated by an overriding desire to be of service to others. This is so true of me.  Many times I’ve found myself in a situation where I am doing my utmost to help and support others, often sacrificing my real desires, and have found this totally misconstrued by people, especially those who are very power-oriented, (who can only understand other people as power motivated too.) I think I often come across as very strong because my thoughtfulness and ability to read complex situations (very INFJ) mean I can speak with clarity and weight. I have even- extraordinary thought!!! – been labelled as a power-crazy bitch in one situation. Can you imagine anything further from the nature of an INFJ? Why would I waste my time seeking power over others?

Now I live with my elderly mother as her carer – which means I can be of service without it being misunderstood. When I tell people I am doing it as much for myself as my mother they are just pleased, instead of suspicious. I can spend lots of time alone in my part of the house, quietly thinking and writing and being creative, without the financial pressure to go out and earn money which would distract me from my goals. And my social needs are fulfilled by taking part in activities with others that interest me, or by meeting friends on a one-to-one. INTROVERT HEAVEN!!!